What Is Your Sin?
by The Anonymous Forgot my name
Summary: Post-BDM. The past can come back to haunt you, if you let it.


**Wow, am I a geek. Woke up with this in my head and I had to write it down.  
**

**It's painfully obvious, but I am not a native Mandarin speaker.**

**Transformers Prime belongs to Hasbro.**

**Firefly belongs to everyone who made Serenity fly.**

It had long ago ceased its struggling. Blue Energon dripped from the battered body, pooling on the ground beneath. Exhaustion and pain had completely overwhelmed the pitiable, _lājī_ of a prisoner, but defiance still glowed in its eyes.

It was time to snuff that out.

"You know, for an Autobot, your resilience is quite impressive." It was. The strongest man she knew would have succumbed by now, one way or another. The slumped body next to her captive was proof enough of that.

But then the Captain was gone, forgotten. "In fact, I'm guessing that no matter what I do to you, you'll never crack. Am I right?"

It wasn't defiance that pierced the darkness in answer.

It was hatred.

"That's what I thought."

And then it was fear.

"Tailgate...?"

"No, no, no, no! Run...run!"

"You're a _smart Bot_," she spat quietly, enjoying the moment. "I think you can imagine what happens to 'Tailgate' next."

"I don't know the attack coordinates!"

That was unsatisfactory.

"I swear upon the AllSpark! It's the truth!" _Jiàn tā de guǐ_, defiance. It was begging now. Good.

"We shall see."

"No..."

She could make it last for days, if she wanted to.

"Please!"

She wasn't going to get days. She raised her talon, hissing to the silence. When the silence is all that she received in return, she sliced into the Hawaiian-print shirt.

"TAILGATE!"

Blood covered the walls, covered her hands. Warm to the touch as she felt like vomiting.

"Wash?"

Now she was the one pleading.

"Baby, baby, no, come on! You gotta move!"

Her reply was silence.

"You gotta move baby, _please_!"

She had only seconds from waking to reach the bedpan strategically placed next to her bed.

Their bed.

Her bed.

Zoe slumped back against her pillows, utterly exhausted. She reached out for a hand to hold, and clutched only sheets.

She lay there, staring through the empty space beside her. If tears dripped down the side of her face, she took no notice.

Hunger barely beat out despair, and slowly, carefully, she got up and slipped into some clothing.

As she filled a cup of water, she gazed around the darkened kitchen. Jobs had been scarce as of late, but now- -more than ever- -the Captain had made sure the stores were fully stocked. The others had been restricted to eating only at meal times, but she could have anything she wanted, when she wanted it.

Zoe should have throttled Mal for that; it felt too much like pity. Still, now she was grateful that Jayne and River had not eaten their way through the red bean cake.

She put the on the kettle and pulled out a knife. River was quiet and could sneak up on most anyone, but not Zoe. She had too much experience in killing those who tried to get the drop on her. So when she sliced into the cake, she sliced twice.

Sliced. Vestiges of her dream came to mind.

"It's not your fault."

"I know." She did. She really did. Blaming herself had come almost instinctively, but she could find no reason why. What happened, happened, and as she played it over and over and over and over again in her mind, it always ended the same. No matter what she did differently.

"No. Not that," River glided over to the whistling kettle to take it off the stove. "Your past."

Zoe's brow furrowed as she set the table. "My...past?" She looked up at the girl, almost a woman. "You mean during the war?"

River got out the tea leaves, not looking to meet Zoe's eyes. "Yes, but not that war."

"I only ever fought in one."

River was silent. Zoe watched as she poured the boiling water over the leaves. The aroma was heavenly but Zoe paid no mind.

"River?"

River added spices to the tea.

"Little One?" Nothing. "Look at me." She had been doing so good since...since then.

River looked up.

"We losing you again?"

River looked down again. "No."

"Good."

"It isn't fair, though," River muttered as she carried the mugs to the table. Zoe sat down and accepted hers.

"What isn't fair?"

"You shouldn't be punished!" River snapped, damn near attacking her cake with a fork. "Not for something you barely even remember."

Zoe's fork was almost to her lips when she hesitated. "I done a lot to be punished for," she whispered, then took that bite.

"You don't believe in divinity anymore, do you?" River asked. "You used to, even if you kept it to yourself. But you don't anymore."

Zoe paused for thought before shaking her head. She really didn't. It wasn't like Mal, who was angry at God. Just somewhere along the way, she found herself finding the concepts hard to swallow.

They finished their cakes in silence, both lost in entirely different thoughts.

"It's not your fault what you did lifetimes ago," when the girl spoke up again, tracing her fingers around the rim of her mug. "So don't worry about it."

Zoe finally caught on. "You talkin' about reincarnation?" River nodded. Zoe almost smirked. Almost. She rose from her seat and reached for the empty plates. "Never put too much stock in past lives," she said, taking them to the sink.

"I got too much to worry about in just this one," she sighed, running the water. As she reached for a towel, her hand just barely grazed her stomach.

River perked up. So she had finally made a decision.

Zoe caught the smile but could not really bring herself to return it. Still, she was gentle when she said, "We should both be in bed." River nodded and stood, yawning as she did so. But when Zoe made her way to the bridge instead of her room, River followed suit.

She knew Zoe didn't mind. Maybe she would even confide in her the _hěnguài_ dream that woke both of them up.

Maybe.


End file.
